天堂说真话

jimbo

something for a good laugh.


Two Ladies Talking in Heaven

1st woman: Hi! Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

PRICELESS

澳洲大头

哈哈哈。。。。


我有个类似的，回头去找找。。。。。

jimbo

哈哈哈。。。。


我有个类似的，回头去找找。。。。。
澳洲大头 发表于 2010-10-6 11:14

    是中文版的吧

澳洲大头

是中文版的吧
jimbo 发表于 2010-10-6 12:02

对，是中文（我自己编译的），故事稍有不同：



===========

天堂

天堂的门口来了三个男子，排队准备进入天堂。那天显然很忙。圣彼得对第一个男人说：今天天堂快满了，上面通知说只能让死的比较惨的人优先进去。“你是怎么个情况？”

那男子说：好长一段时间了，我一直觉得我老婆与别人有染。所以我今天在回家的路上想好了，一定要捉奸拿双。当我来到25楼我们家门口时，我明显感到有异常。可是我找遍了所有的角落，也没找到那个第三者。最后，我来到阳台上。哈！这人正抓着阳台的栏杆，吊在那儿，25层楼啊。我这时真的已经疯了，我拼命打他、踢他。你猜怎么着，这家伙劲儿还挺大，就是不掉下去。后来我回屋里找来一榔头。我用榔头砸他的手。这下他受不了啦，尽管是25层楼的高度，他还是撒了手，掉了下去......。谁知楼下有一片灌木丛，他掉在那上面，虽然砸的够呛，却居然没死！我真受不了这个。我回厨房把冰箱搬出来，推了下去，当场把那小子砸死。可经过这么一番折腾，我也累的不行了。心脏病发作，就死在阳台上了。

“听起来真是够糟糕的”，圣彼得说。于是就让他进去。

第二个男子上来，圣彼得同样告诉他天堂人满为患的事，并问他是怎么回事。

“今天真是奇了怪了。你看我住在我们楼的第26层，我每天早上都要在阳台上做操。今天早晨我也不知是滑了一下还是怎么回事，反正我从阳台边上掉下去了。真幸运，我抓住了下面一层阳台的栏杆。我知道我坚持不了多久。正在这时，突然一个人冲到阳台上来。我想我得救了。可他却开始打我踢我。我使出全身力气，坚持在那里。可他回去拿来一个榔头开始砸我的手。终于我实在坚持不住了，松了手。结果又是幸运至极，我正好掉到下面的灌木丛上面。虽然砸的够呛，却没事。正当我庆幸我大难不死时，天上却掉下来一个冰箱，当场把我砸碎。所以我就到这儿来了。”

圣彼得只得承认这种死法也的确惨了点。让他进去了。

第三个男子走上来。同样的过程，圣彼得告诉他天堂快满了，并问他的情况如何。

“你想象一下”，第三个男子说。“我当时一丝不挂躲在冰箱里............”

============

根据公司餐厅布告栏里帖的一个笑话编译。

jimbo

对，是中文（我自己编译的），故事稍有不同：



===========

天堂
天堂的门口来了三个男子，排队准备 ...
澳洲大头 发表于 2010-10-6 12:31

    哈哈哈，大头这，太太与上面的相吻合呀！世上既然有如此凑巧的事，要不大头是个编辑能手

Stone

哈哈， 这两个都够绝的。。。

jimbo

[quote]对，是中文（我自己编译的），故事稍有不同：




An elderly lady was invited to an old friends home for dinner one evening.
She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc.
The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the husband was in the living room, her lady friend leaned over to her hostess to say, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your husband all those loving names'.

The elderly lady hung her head. 'I have to tell you the truth,' she said, 'his name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky old asshole what his name is.'

澳洲大头

[quote]
An elderly lady was invited to an old friends  ...
jimbo 发表于 2010-10-6 17:45

我也是老记不住人名。。。。。

幸福剧团

剧团这里有个短的∶

上帝说卑贱的人先进天堂，可是一个死去的穷人就亲眼看见一个死去的富人比谁都优先进了天堂，穷人跟上帝抱∶，怎么他在人世的时候，因为富有，什么他都可以优先，怎么死了以后，他还是得优先呢？

上帝回答道∶因为象他那样好的富人不多，所以他得优先了。